| So it's been a while since i've wrote on here, only b/c nothing really has been going on. I can't happily yet somewhat regretfully saw there are no guys in my life. I can't disifer whether this is a good thing or bad. On the plus side i am not getting hurt and i can really just focus on me and my job. On the negative side, there is emptiness and the feeling that i'm never going to find someone. It is real, that all gay guys are whores. I feel so alone, like i'm the only gay guy in the world that actually believes in monogomy and doesn't want sex. Part part of that i guess i honestly feeling that i am ugly. I'm not even worried about being fat anymore. I am not attractive and that's what it boils down to. And I have to live with that, and it's going to take time to sink down, that no one is ever going to want me or treat me the way i feel i should be treated. Man how much life would be easier if i were straight. So besides stupid guys, work/extrenship is going alright. I got myself into a heep of trouble, over stupid gossip. I was confronted last week, about how i was in the middle of this big gossip shit. And I guess it all started when it got around that I was calling this girl kelly a whore. and after that i swore off the whole gossip. So then it got around how i was talking shit about my old manager Elena, who i concider a good friend. and the things that were being said i had no way of knowing. Then i dicovered that i was just a victim of being there for a conversation, but not participating. So now i've been going up to everyone that has had any connection w/ me and gossip and clearing the air. I must say it feels so much better being able to clear the air otherthan making it more dirtier. I'm really excitied to be leaving for cali in a little less that a day now. To be able to get out of colorado and get away from all the shit and just spend time w/ sam is a great feeling. Then after i get back, so next weekend my parents are coming for my graduation. Which i kinda have mix feelings about. I'm glad they are coming for my graduation, seeing how i'm the first person in my family to graduate w/ some sort of college degree. I just hope me and my mom and dad can put off fighting for just one weekend, but the heavens only know. So other than that, not else has been going on. Today's lesson is, it almost takes losing everything before you realize what you really have. |
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| YAY 14 days more till i'm going to cali to my sammy sam sam sam sam |
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